


Northern Gods

by bloody_blade0



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Animals, Bottom Alec, But it's okay, DUH?!, Dark, Dark Magic, Demons, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Fluff, Gay, High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane, Jealousy, Kingdoms, Love, M/M, Magic, Malec, Obedience, Oblivious Alec, Powerful Alec, Rulers, Self Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Sub!Alec, Top Magnus, War, alec is really powerful, anicent powers, as in so powerful, because, contradictions, elemenal magic, holy objects, i don't know okay, magnus is powerful too, magnus rules, powers, tmi, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:51:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7571371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloody_blade0/pseuds/bloody_blade0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus stared at the Shadowhuter blankly.<br/>'Wow.You really don't have a clue what I'm talking about,do you,Alexander?'<br/>Since Alec started to frown,open and close his mouth like a goldfish,he knew that it was true.The man in front of him was oblivious.<br/>'I wasn't aware we were talking about anything I should draw a conclusion from?'<br/>Magnus gritted his teeth in annoyance.<br/>'You,the head of the New York Institute,appointed by the High Court to guard this Realm,the one who's been given so many titles and duties I forgot the number of,the one who's powerful enough to battle the entire Yawa council plus my father's legions without breaking a sweat while riding the northern winds cannot draw a conclusion from my six month of not-so-subtle courtship?'<br/>Alec seemed completely confused.Sometimes Magnus wondered why did the Gods give such thick heads to people with such beautiful faces?<br/>'Magnus...Are you saying...You fancy me...As in...Me?'<br/>The warlock fought the urge to snap his fingers and summon fairies and rainbow dust at the revelation.<br/>'In all the years I've spent on this planet,Alexander,I've never seen anyone nearly as charming and completely idiotic as you.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dum, dum, dum,...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I love powerful characters and I wanted to make one of my favourite ones (ALEC) invincible. Also vunerable. I don't know. Just like in the books, here also he's full of contradictions but his cape of shame fits him perfectly. Give me a chance, please. If it's no good, tell me so I can dig up a hole and die in it. Better now than later. Cheers!  
> 

Turn. Swing. Stab. Jump. Kneel. Dodge. Wave. Stab. Turn. Stab. Run. Lance. Stab.

Today was a particulary good day for fight. The Shadowhunter managed his moves, balanced his sword, threw the dagger and aimed his arrows at the target as he rarely did. He was dancing around heavily smelled bodies of yet another nest of monsters that inhabited his beloved city. The city he has sworn to protect since they named him The Keeper. He’s competent enough to wear the title, if it was to believe to The High Court. He was capable enough to keep the population of one of the world’s greatest cities safe. According to The High Court. They told him many times he has earned the place, but he knew better. The members of The Court were old, ancient. That made them see the world and its inhabitants differently, he supposed. To anyone younger than 600 years they spoke to as to an angsty teenager whose ego must be build up and combat skills improved. He had to admit that, when standing in front of them, he did feel like a child who has yet to learn. Only then did he feel like a child. In every other situation of his life he felt that the weight of being an immortal Shadowhunter was crushing his soul and burying his mind. After that many years serving it felt like he wasn’t  a living creature anymore. A creature with a need of love and approval. But the moments like these, _at the peak of a fight, as you feel the stinking blood of one of Satan’s brothers flowing down your skin, no matter how much it burns, it’s the pain that brings you back from the dead. If you were able to die, that is,_ he remembered his brother’s words that perfectly described how he felt. No matter how morbid it sounded to ordinary people, the blood, the rush, the _killing_ , made him feel alive, made him feel young.

As he walked towards Araan’s nest, towards the creature’s eggs, two shining balls of fire that dazzled a man with its golden rays and kept you warm during the most notorious Khalahi winters, he knew he’ll feel bad after destroying them. He always had a soft spot for children, even demon children. And Araan eggs were beautiful. To those who have never seen it would think it came straight from the Hermitrage, the golden eggs of the emperors with its shining aura and bold, curvy lines. Having an eye for the art, he stopped just for a second before putting his blade through them. After the reeking smell of sulphur travelled its way to his nostrils and the tar like blood slided through the cracks of now, black shell of Araan eggs, he turned and flew away.

“My lord! I was just asking Mr. Calfeen if he knew when you’d be back. I know a highly achieved Shadowhunter like yourself feels the need to express his inner warrior by still going on missions after all this time, but since we had a meeting appointed I either concluded you weren’t noticed by anyone or it must’ve slipped your mind…”- a short plump man with a pointy nose and watery eyes started as he entered the wide area of the institute’s library.

  
“I was aware of your presence, even before I left the building, but I just… Didn’t want to meet you until… at least December 29th  2076.”

  
“You decided to leave the building without letting anyone know of your whereabouts?”  
“Yes, yes I did. Excuse me for practicing such liberties. I am aware that as the high lord and keeper of this Realm and the one on the north, I have no such right. “  
The man felt his sarcastic stings, he could tell, for big red dotts appeared all over Lord Magleworm’s face as he smiled sourly and bowed gently.

  
“No, no, nothing even close to that, Your majesty, we were just… Concerned for your safety!”

  
“I think, Aethelwolf, that, after all these years, I would learn how to go out and walk around the block without your collar around my neck, what do you think? And, don’t call me ‘your majesty’. I thought we agreed on not insulting each other a century ago. “

  
“Wasn’t that the deal you made with his father, brother?”

  
Alec turned towards the illuminating ball of golden rays that came from his brother’s smiling face and smirked.

  
“I.. I cannot remember, you see… “

  
“Doesn’t matter. All the Magleworms are a disgrace, I don’t know why we keep them around anyway. Your grandfather was much better at trying to put his slimy little face in other people’s business, Aethelwolf. You have no tact. Your father on the other hand… “

  
Alec could hear Aethelwolf’s nerves exploding under the smiling fasade which he insisted on keeping on, even though his brother was putting shame on his entire family tree. Well, not much of a shame, he was telling the truth, but still.. not all truth must be said out loud.

  
“His father was honourably killed in a battle against a greater demon, and they received the gratitude of this Landlordness and High Court of the north. “

  
“What is honourable in death? Death is nothing, a stinky hole full of demon yank you must drown in for all the chivarly you possessed while battling the demon. And the gratitude of yours? What are they to do with it? They can put it up their… Well, Aethelwolf, as I can see, made a stick out of it and did just that.”

  
For Aethelwolf was still smiling, but his eyes were full of angry tears that Alec was sure he’ll end up saying are the result of air humidity in this ‘godforsaken place’ as he called Alec’s Landlordness when he thought he couldn’t hear him.

  
“That was… quite descriptive, and,… long.” –he looked at his brother sideways and turned to sit at the work desk and go through some of the papers which layed on it. At least he could pretend he’s doing important business.

  
“Aethelwolf. Would you mind leaving us?”  
“Yes, Sire, of course, yes…” he was smiling as he bowed and left the room.

  
“I’ll have to buy you a pet. I must inform you that the nobility and service employees of this Realm are not your entertainment and shall not be sqashed like bugs under the attack of your… sharp words.”

  
“I wasn’t attacking him, I was letting him know he can be replaced. As were his ancestors.every single one of them. And none had a memorable position. They gave them the title just because they pitied the family that’s been around for so long and yet hasn’t accomplished to climb further than the cook. “

  
“He’s my accountant, Jace.”  
“He’s an idiot. You have no need of an accountant you know that well. Just as you have no need of a librarian’s assistant, reporting analyst, environmental specialist and a freaking bus driver! You don’t even own a bus!”

  
“I might.”-he said with a sigh and stood up from the uncomfortable chair to move a few stacks of paper and a book to a shelf.

  
“You might get some senses in that hollow head of yours and start saying no to the council’s deportation of the Realm’s most useless scum to your service.”

  
Alec felt another need to sigh but thought it might be interpreted the way he didn’t want it to be. As if he was tired and annoyed.

  
“You know very well I can’t do that. I was set here by the council. It’s a great honour and I must express my gratitude in the most optimal way..”

  
“Council did not ask for your gratitude. They asked you to do your fucking job. And I think your job is to leave at least 50 people without a job! And it took them 500 fucking years. I swear to Yawa, if they waited for another century I might’ve just pulled you out of that godforsaken place of yours and flew you to Nepal and left there. Seriously!”

  
“That godforsaken place was my home for as long as I can remember.”

  
He thought of the winters in the north, that were nothing like the winters they had here, the summers that lasted longer than springs and falls that didn’t exist. He remembered the frozen lakes from which pale green flowers would grow in November and tall trees whose trunks were white and leaves shining silver. A place where no reds or oranges existed, everything was pale blue or green, white. His house was the field and his heart was with the nature. He was happy. Then his father died. They let him stay there for awhile, then sent him to south, for he has, as they claimed, too much bonded with the northern spirits. But the spirits were the only ones that listened to him. The cold waters were the only thing he could control. His people, his warriors respected him, his way of living. They prayed to his gods, they let him teach them his ways, his combat skills. They taught him much more, so much more. How to live, how to feel the raw emotion. Since then, he was never able to feel the same again. He was never able to know the feeling of his toes freezing as if they will fall off while he’s riding the northern wind, the rush of adrenalin he felt while battling the northern monsters which weren’t as they were on south. Even they were more familiar to him than this crowd of people they expected him to blend in with.

“No matter how much I despise rats like Aethelwolf, his meeting with his majesty actually was important.”- an uncharacteristic sterness appeared on his brother’s face.

  
Alec’s head jearked up as he was summoned back to reality.

  
“How so?”

  
“An uncommon demon activity has been spotted in the upper area of The East Realm. The High Court has asked me to look into it.”

  
“Demon activity is often spotted in areas close to Yawa centers. What’s so strange about this one?”

  
“Usually demons don’t destroy the Yawa center and leave the realm that’s been their prison for over a century. And they most certainly don’t go raiding along with other Downworlders.”

  
“What do you mean raiding with other Downworlder?”

  
“I mean, a group of greater demons came out and paired with a group of warlocks who weren’t satisfied with the way Sebastian managed their business.”

  
He watched his brother’s face turn blank, only a flash of emotion, surprise, concern, wash over his face before he looked up.

  
“And they rose against him?”  
“Yes, at least they were last time we heard from their base three days ago. The situation might’ve changed.”  
“We must send a group to East to see how’s situation going. Bring the software to find out why the center opened, what disturbed the peace of magic. And bring a warlock. “  
“Izzy went with three men to see to it…”

  
Alec rose and pulled the sword that stood on the wall. Jace watched as a rectangular hole appeared on the wall from which his brother pulled out a medallion. Alec closed the door and turned away from it. He looked at his brother sternly and covered the medallion with his hands, closed his eyes and started to mumble words. A bright light blue light shone through his brother’s fingers and his eyes turned white. Jace stared nervously at him, as he always did and said nothing. The chanting never rose above a whisper but he felt every hum being carved in his bones. He knew how much his brother risked by taking the medallion in his hands and summoning the spirits but he never argued with Alec about it. Once he dared to ask him about it and Alec made a confused face while laughing it off.

  
“It doesn’t pain me, Jace, you don’t have to worry.”

  
“But, isn’t it risky? You’ve left the North and disturbed the peace of spirits. They oughtn’t be happy about it. “

  
“You shouldn’t worry about it, brother. I am as welcome at the North as I always was.”

  
And that was the end of it. His tone made it clear to Jace that he shouldn’t push it. But looking at his brother now, with a dark smile around his lips, he was afraid.

  
Suddenly, Alec went silent and the shining light faded. His brother’s face was a blank mask again.  
Jace was thinking how to react to this. He knew Alec would like him not to, and he decided to do just that. Pretend like his brother didn’t just talk to them. Didn’t break the promise he’s given to The Court.

  
“I’ll contact Isabelle. Tell her to stop and wait for the backup. We didn’t have time to analyse the situation through. Now when I think about it, the danger might exist or we might just be paranoid…”  
“No, there’s no time. We’ll go ourselves and take 50 men. I’ll send Theo to notify them. And you and I shall visit the warlock. “

  
“What did you see? Which warlock?”

  
“The aura is not… right. Most of the time I can see things clearly, walk the streets as if I was there and watch people without them seeing me. I’ve been told that it’s not safe, winds are disturbed. The waters are out of order. “

  
He spoke calmly, as if anything he said had sense to anyone but him. But Jace didn’t want to argue.

  
“Which warlock?”

  
“I’ve sent Gloria to inform him of our visit, I hope he’ll be of assistance. I’ve heard he’s rather talented and is familiar with similar situations. He is, after all, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Have you ever heard of Magnus Bane?”


	2. The Plain Warlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, just to get to know each other. I'm working on the next but before I post it, let me know if I should? How does this one seem to you? I hope you like it. Cheers!

In every person’s mind, a picture of war is painted in the most wonderful of colours. Since the early childhood people categorize the heroes of a certain war to groups, the good guys and the bad guys. Not considering the circumstances, the time and the place as the primary ones, men and women always find themselves putting the opposite sides on a gloomy field, carrying swords and a weird sense of justice or duty in their veins which implies that they are fighting for the right cause. No one ever thinks about a war that happens in summer, when the sun is at the peak of its existence through the year, when everything has bloomed and fruits of labor are visible on the fields. For battles do not happen only on open fields or mountain passages, they are not a bedtime story of your beloved one who is trying to establish a feeling of courage and the need to do the right thing from a very early age in your mind. Not a place faraway in a long forgotten period of time. War is now, the threat is real. It’s happening every day on the streets of a busy neighborhood, between the outlaws and policemen, robbers and security guards, rapists and their victims. On a rainy day, under the veil of night when there are no stars for a fallen soldier to talk to during his last moments. The only wish of a dying one is for it to be now, no matter to whom he talks to. 

Alec often wondered what would his last thoughts be, whose face would be the last one on his mind? Because he assumed that’s how it went, the only thing you could think about when you were dying were those you leave behind. But he knew, even if he were able to die, that he wouldn’t die if he knew that someone he cared about was in danger. That anyone he cared about is desperate, that he’d be leaving the world to fight whatever beat him, without his help. And he prayed to Gods that he wasn’t the only one who thought like that.

Jace was walking alongside him. The sidewalk was wide enough to make room for both of them, and even if it weren’t they both knew how to walk in the shadows. That’s what he suggested in the first place but Jace has insisted that his new Philipp Plein boots are not ready to meet the dark world of monster piss and blood. 

“This is leather. And this”, he said pointing at his cardigan, “this is cashmere. It’s from a very respected family of fabric and demands to be treated with care.”

“I’ll buy you ten of those. It’ll be ruined anyway if we walk in on anyone from the Downworld. I hope you didn’t think to go to The East Realm to calm a group of rebels in a cashmere cardigan.” Alec’s voice sounded amused, a bit annoyed, but his look never left the road. He observed.

“This one can buy ten of you’s, don’t flatter yourself. And of course not, I thought we were visiting The High Warlock of Brooklyn, not Sebastian’s rebelled army. For that, I’ll wear silk.”

Alec knew Jace’s smirky remarks were a way of shortening the time but now, he was glad they were out of it. They were in front of the building and Alec was relieved because he was out of witty responses on cashmere vests. 

“Wow. This is very… plain.” Jace climbed a row of narrow stairs and stood in front of what appeared to be, heavy oak door with simple BANE inscription on them. 

“Should I knock?” he turned to Alec with a confused face, “Or just break in?”

“Well, that, doesn’t sound like a start that would soften my heart for your kind, Shadowhunter.” 

A tall, lean man who was anything but ‘plain’, appeared suddenly, as if from thin air. 

His skin was originally darker, but now it could’ve been green or purple, for the amount of glitter on the man’s body was, for Alec’s opinion uncarachteristically, existable and hiding his real colour. The 90s were over, but the gel was in his hair. He didn’t spike it up like kids used to do in that period, he just tried, and succeded, to make his medium short hair stylish. He wore no pants, and the fact somehow, didn’t surprise Alec. A black t-shirt and a dark yellow jacket were covering his torso. The man was a burst of colours but they suited him. He even had the courage to put on a dark blue scarf. Alec assumed it was cashmere.

“Especially after calling my residence plain.”

Jace didn’t lose his firmness for a second. He smirked at the man.

“I assume you’re Magnus Bane?”

“You assume right, Golden boy. And I know for a fact that you’re the ones who sent a message out. Very kind of you, I had the time to prepare myself, if you’d appeared a few minutes earlier you’d find me in a very compromising position, unable to take visitors. Luckily, I managed to make myself look decent for the most noble members of our world.”

Jace’s look flew to his pantless area and back to warlock’s face, but he said nothing.

Alec didn’t want to analyse his words about the kindness of theirs and the warlock’s respect towards the Shadowhunters, which he, Alec assumed, didn’t have.

“Bane. We’re here to ask you to accompany us to The East Realm. Your services are required. Are you willing to come?”

Alec spoke and looked Bane in the eye. His cat-like golden eyes, he noticed.

“My services are much needed by every customer I receive. I treat everyone in the same way. The fact that you’re a Shadowhunter who happens to have an emergency case in a land faraway doesn’t make you jump from the back of my waiting list to the front line.”

“I am not asking you to come as a Shadowhunter, and you’re not to put me on a waiting list for we cannot wait. That is why we are meeting in front of your house half an hour after you were noticed of our visit. I don’t know if you could conclude anything from the note, but we are in some sort of a hurry.”

“The only conclusion I’ve made after reading the note is that the person who wrote it sounded very demanding, leaving me no other option but to receive whoever came to visit me. You could’ve been another angry werewolf or a vengeful vampire.”

“No, we couldn’t, the seal on the bottom of it made it pretty clear from where it came from. And the Head of Institute’s peculiar way of transporting the letter...”   
Jace laughed. Hodge’s crow, Gloria.

“Seals are easily counterfeited.”

“Head warlocks are then not as proficient as we thought they ought to be. It is believed that it’s tricky to deceive an ancient warlock as it is to summon an angel.”

Warlock’s lips twitched in amusement. 

“Didn’t your mother teach you that it’s rude to call people old?”

“I thought the principle rule of chivalry of not asking a person of their age applied only to ladies?”

“And ancient warlocks.”

Bane’s response made Alec smile.

“I’ll keep it on my mind.”

It seemed to him like they had nothing to talk about anymore. The fact that they came was a clear message to the warlock that this is The Clave’s business and that it would be better if he came. If he wanted to flee, Alec had guessed he would’ve done so earlier. But he seemed like he enjoyed being needed and even though he was trying to put on an uninterested face, his peculiar eyes said differently.

As it turned out, Alec was reading people’s eyes rather well for the warlock came with them the minute he waved his hand and a pair of trousers appeared. 

“There are ways to defeat the bad guys, other than letting them look at my irresistible backside and drooling to death knowing they can’t have it.”

He winked to no one particular and started to laugh at the fact that they came walking all the way to Brooklyn.

“It’s a way of keeping my brother’s mind clear, isn’t it now, Alec?” Jace laughed at him.

“It’s a way of not letting anyone tracking the smell of our vehicles.” He frowned, knowing that they could’ve easily been followed anyway. But he didn’t see anyone, it couldn’t be.

“Talk all you want, but I am not going to walk to The East Realm. On foot. As much as comfortable are my shoes.” Bane turned and clapped his hands. “Now, tell me the exact location, s'il vous plaît.”

“The Shanghai Institute.” 

“Great. I haven’t been to China for almost a decade. I got used to the western version of roast duck.”

Alec saw the warlock smirking, just for a second and then there was a loud ‘pop’ and they were no longer in front of his ‘plain’ door but in front of a much larger building, to Alec known as The Shanghai Institute.


	3. A Wave of Another Dimension

A Shadowhunter Institute, no matter where it was, never blended in with the surroundings or the architecture of the land where it rested. Shadowhunters were older than many civilisations and cultures, but they never had their own culture. They were nomad warriors with no place to call home, no familiarity or fondness to feel towards a certain place. A person could see a Shadowhunter in New Zaeland wielding a Viking weapon. Seeing a mixup of every area Shadowhunters have visited was notable on their buildings as well.

The Shanghai Institute was an example. Every tower had a different pattern, picturing a different architecture and a different time in which it was build in. The backbone of the building was built in the traditional Chinese style, for it was built in the 19th century in the very heart of Shanghai, nowadays old part of the city. It had three different levels but it was higher and wider than most buildings of that time. As time progressed, Heads of The Institute added much needed accessories, not worrying if they fit the scenery. Looking at it now, Alec had to admit that calif Afzal's narrow towers with circular domes on top of them were unusual but nevertheless suited The Institute's character. He was quite proud of the gothic corbels he urged Rodolphus to put on, as well. Alec always smiled as he remembered Rodolphus' assistant's supersticious looks and silent prayers at the sight of a rather sinister pair of horned angels frowning down at every person that crosses their way. Now, he wasn't so sure if his laughs were justified for he felt quite uncomfortable under their stern look.

They passed through the gates undisturbed and contunued towards the big cherry tree door with a Latin inscription above them. They were open. Jace always pointed out how unfair it was towards the Chinese culture to put a Latin saying above the door because of the very rich philosophy of said nation, but everyone agreed that Latin was international language of Shadowhunters and that everyone should know the basics it. 

"In Mundane world, International English is the concept of the English language as a global means of communication. No one is offended when they see a pointer in English next to Kiswahili. They greet it with joy. Native speakers have nothing against it and it encourages millions around the world to learn another language in order to widen the spectrum of their knowlege."

No matter how much of a reasonable argument that sounded, Alec could still hear Jace muttering under his breath how he hasn't seen many people in the western countries widening their spectrums by learining how to speak Chinese, but he hasn't argued anymore.

"How unusual place. Should I expect these lovely angels to transform into Shadowhunter trained dragons?"

Magnus didn't feel like at home at The Institute, but he tried to hide it.

"You should watch out for that glittery Downworld ass of yours before the lovely angel dragons make it pop like a firework."

Isabelle was walking down the wood stairs.She wore a light shirt covered with leather corset with pauldrons which seemed light enough to move around in. She also had on trousers with many pockets that hid various deadly weapons. But her weapon of preferance was a large whip, now curled around her right hand like a pet snake, seemed like a very fashionable acessory. Few knew how deadly it became in battle.  
Her hair was simply braided and her face lightly make up-ed. 

"Brothers."

She greeted them with a smile.

"I've been expecting you."

They followed her as she turned her back and started through a large corridor that lead to the training room. Every Institute had a training room.

"The warlock can come in as well. All the demonic creatures are in the back yard with Church taking care of them."

She didn't turn around to see if they followed her. Everyone followed Isabelle.

They entered a light room covered in stone and green wall decorations. In the middle of it was a throne like vase which stood instead of a fireplace. Around it were two white marble tables on which layed dozens of maps and books. On the other side of the room old fashioned practice dolls in medieval armours stood in front of the wall covered in long swords and daggers.

“Izzy. What happened?”

She sat on a stony chair, long legs stretched and spoke of the battle with a smile.

“Well, all I can tell you is that you were right, Jace. But we fought monsters, not their commanders. They weren’t a piece of cake, to tell you the truth. There were small creatures mostly but I’ve seen a few higher ranked ones. The only who could give me any piece of information that I’ve captured was The Ungrateful. I haven't seen many of his kind so I tried to be as... persuasive as possible. But he won’t speak. I tried, but his slimy ass would rather die than to tell me anything. There were others but I think he lead the operation. When we got here the fight has already started. Getting here wasn’t easy either. We were held on two borders, had to fight smaller groups but they were just individuals who don’t work alongside others’ plan. I assume there’s a plan, they were quite organized and we were outnumbered. But inexperienced. I left a few guys besides the pitch to take care of those who might come out. I’m guessing there will be more. We took care of this group but we might not be so lucky with the next one. That’s why bringing the warlock was a good idea. He must go immediately.”

“I agree. Someone has to accompany him. And someone has to question the damn creature. Where did you put him?”

“By the tree, of course.”

“Lovely. “ Jace clapped his hands and turned towards Magnus who was awfully quiet.

“I hope you’re not too tightly connected emotionally with your traitor brothers, warlock. You’re expected to do what’s asked no matter who swings at you.”

The warlock looked at him with a smile on his face that supposed to mean he’s agreeing but his yellow eyes sang a different song.

“Of course, I’m here to serve The Clave and The High Court.”

He bowed mockingly.

“Great. I’ll come with you then and Alec will question The Ungrateful. That fine with you brother?”

Alec nodded without looking up from the maps he seemed to be studying.

“Great. By the way, Izzy, where is everybody?”

“In the kitchen, I assume”, she stood up, ”go now, it’s kind of urgent, this huge wave of monsters near one of the biggest institutes on the world, you know.”

Jace smiled and gestured Bane to accompany him.

When they were left alone, Izzy turned to Alec.

“Brother…” she spoke with a sigh “Are you hungry?”

Alec had to laugh. She did not just ask him that.

“No, I am not.”

He looked up and saw her smiling cunningly.

“What a shame, I made spaghetti. In spite of Mi Yao’s huffing and puffing. No matter how many monsters came down on the institute she’ll still be in the kitchen, preparing tea and serving rice cookies.”

“She makes marvelous cookies.”

“True that.”

“Izzy, tell me now. How many The Ungrateful’s brothers were here when you came?”

She never could hide anything from him. It seemed like her face was easier for him to read than those big books covered in runes he had in his room.

“I don’t know. We didn’t fight them here, at the institute. At least my guys didn’t. They were all over the city, mostly around the pitch. I thought it would be helpful if we captured more than one, but seems like I was the only one thinking that. The others killed them before I could get to them. When I arrived at the institute, the gates were open and two dead guards in front of the library. No demons.”

Her brother’s eyes were careful.

“Who killed them then?”

“The warlocks. I thought it would be better not to mention it in front of Bane, no matter his status of High Warlock and history with The Clave. I’m informed that many similar to him and his position stood here tonight. But they didn’t kill anyone besides the two guards.”

“Warlocks aren’t as blood thirsty as the monsters you fought. I’m afraid they were a mere distraction. A tool. Who told you all that?”

“Mi Yao.” She said with a smile. “She was serving tea and cookies to Sebastian when they came in but didn’t seem to notice her. He fought them there, in the library but they knocked him out. After that they stood at the center of the room and held hands. She hid under the table. They did some chanting and left. Took him along.”

“How many of them?”

“Six.”

He crossed the room and leaned over the other map. He was quiet, seemed to be thinking. She didn’t like the silence.

“Mi Yao said they were dressed in colours. I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing she’s still under the impression. She’s treating herself by baking.”

Alec nodded.

“Fine. I’ll go question the creature then. It shouldn’t take long.”

He walked away, leaving her looking after him. He didn’t ask if she was hurt. She knew he examined it when he first came in by looking at her and hugging her trying to touch her most probable injury spots. He didn’t ask if Mi Yao was hurt. She knew he’s sent Church to see to it. He didn’t ask if she examined the library, she knew he’ll do it. He didn’t comment on the warlocks and their colours but she assumed he knew what its about, and even though his face was expressionless, his back were stiff.

He didn’t ask where Sebastian was.

 He went to question the monster.

 She shivered and went to the kitchen to get a cup of tea and maybe a rice cookie.

Meanwhile Alec was walking through the corridor lightened only by few lamps very much like those in the 70s. when he stepped out into the night there wasn’t much difference. The moon wasn’t full but it was bright enough not to let him slip on one of shabby tree roots on the ground. The garden wasn’t maintained at all. There weren’t bonsai trees or orchids, just uneven ground covered with grass and a few sleazy oak trees.

 Under one of them the creature stood and looked up in the sky. He wasn’t a shape shifter, they most commonly took a humanoid shape and spoke known languages but even in their original form they weren’t deformed like many lower class monsters from the down dimension were. This one was something in between a snake and a water dragon. It looked like a sea creature and seemed very much uncomfortable in current surroundings.

Approaching it was a matter of question. How would they react, he never knew. What should he say? Should he speak to it or just attack? But if it survived through here, he wouldn’t waste his sister’s effort. She could’ve easily killed it when she saw it.

“Open your eyes.”  Alec spoke and the creature did. He immediately recognized shiny blue eyes of the Raznak clan.

Raznaks were one of three founding families of the 11th dimension. Very powerful, very ancient, not often seen away from home.

“Ikh zier liesen hub ta verr?” _What made you wander so away from home?_

The creature made a huffing sound. It lifted its head and his spine made a cracking noise. Around the head were countles of oval shaped spikes which looked like a crown, purple and gray, shining under a sky full of stars. The neck seemed to be coloured in the same pattern but by the time Alec’s eyes were set on its tail he could notice that it was starting to turn into pale gray.

“Mortal wars affect us all, boy.” He heard the voice as if it came through its nostrils, not the mouth. “And every war brings out many warriors keen to gain glory.”

“Is there glory in death?” Alec always wondered.

“I do not know. I have never experienced it. I came here to ask you.” Now he seemed to be mocking him. Lovely.

“You didn’t seem so eager to ask questions while ripping throats of many fallen soldiers of the Shadow world.”

The creature coughed and stirred. No, it laughed, he noticed.

“Oh, I doubt there were any throats. Arms, legs, maybe. Less mess.”

“Yes, you prefer human flesh cold and soaked for a few decades in the inbetween realm waters, don’t you?”

“They don’t need to be soaked for a long time. Dipped. And sea water does well for me. As good as any sauce, salty and moist.”

“What were you looking then peaking through the window of a monster realm? I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but you might’ve made a crack through which they could slip while looking down.”

“Did I now? My deepest regrets, those weren’t my intentions. See, I wanted to leave them wide open but your squad came in and detained us.”

“Why so? I hear their water isn’t salty at all, more sulphury. And no humans to dip.”

“I don’t know how much you know of my kind, but seeing as you speak our language I can only conclude you are familiar with the fact that we aren’t that much of eaters. The area in which we are born and raised is not.. fertile so we’re learnt how to hunt and store. Unlike our brotherly clan, we are aware that food is energy and that feasting on our enemy’s flesh after seizing their territory is much more satisfying.”

“Well, I haven’t seen you feasting on any of the Shadowhunters.”

“Hmm…” the Raznak made a huffing sound. “I prefer human flesh. Or sea creatures, with a few exceptions. Angel blood in your veins gives me heartburn. You’re more Heaven’s creatures, jumping on the clouds, flying around, poking with your needles. You reek of wind.”

“And what do downworlders reek of? I can see you haven’t tasted their flesh either?”

“Depends. I would never think of tasting a downworlder. Lower creatures smell too much like Ichneumon but much less clever and much more greedy. Vampires are the right temperature but they always smell of fresh blood and dirt _._ _For _out_  of the ground we were taken, for the  _dust_ we are… _The irony.. They can’t say His name but He made them bear His mark with a curse. I assume they envy Cain now, don’t they? The wolfs are too sweaty and warm, the Fair Folk too ancient thus too hard to chew. And the Warlocks… Their magic makes them seem powerful, doesn’t it…” he fell silent for a second, “never trust a warlock, boy.”

The tone of Raznak’s voice made Alec wonder…

“I assume you have had a bad experience with a warlock?”

“I wouldn’t say so. I am not fond of their tricks, that I will admit. Snapping your fingers to get what you want seems unfair when others have to battle their way to their goal with claws and teeth.”

“Seems like an useful weapon. Break an arm with a flip of a hand, make them cry out in pain with a move, kill with a simple curse, or… a spell to make your enemy die slowly… A slow death means quick answers, don’t you think?”

Raznak let out a laugh.

“Slow death by torture makes the spirit angry when gone. In my people we believe you put on a terrible curse on yourself by killing someone cowardly.”

“You really think an Amphisbaena* cares for cowardice?”

“You won’t blame a dog for biting you, boy, you blame the owner for not training him properly.”

“These days everyone can afford a dog.”

“And the poor creature won’t know what’s it been trained to do. Much like Shadowhunters.”

“Free will is what makes us Heaven’s creatures…” Alec sighed

“I’ve heard that… Every side has its good sides. Heaven offers you freedom of will, Hell offers you power to rule. It also depends on which side you were born in. I believe they have much more freedom than you do. They train you to be soldiers and to die young and I don’t see much of a choice in that. Maybe that’s the price of having Heaven’s mark in your bones.”

“And how are Hell’s servants marked?”

“Oh… their marks are… spiritual” Raznak laughed again, “I don’t know if you noticed how spiritual they are?”

“They? You’re not one of them?”

Raznak coughed once more.

“Haven’t you been listening, boy? No, I am not.”

Cough.

“Who am I?” Raznak asked impatiently, in a way that made Alec remember his old tutor.

“A Raznak. A water creature from a dimension far away.  Nonpartisan during every war that took place except the ones you lead. A creature with a deep sense of justice and duty. Known for having human-like emotions in some situations. But never leaving your dimensions.”

Raznak approved by nodding all the time and smiling in the end.

“Look at my tail.” The creature barked in between the coughs.

Alec looked. It was pale gray when he looked at it the first time but now it was white. The pigmentation of his squama ashened as it moved towards his neck, leaving the prior locations white and turning beautiful shades of blue and purple into gray.

Alec suddenly felt sad.

“Who did this to you?”

“I don’t know.” He started to spit out water.

“A voice came ten days ago in our time and foretold terrible, terrible things. Two days after, all the things came to be. Our world started to fade. My world started to fade. They said… If we did as told, they knew how to help. My brother was angered. You rarely see us angered, but we’re quite proud and don’t like to be told what to do. So the voice made promises. Terrible promises. Promises came to be for we did not do as they asked. They started to fill up our dimension with filth, low creatures that invaded air, soil and… water. Some rebelled, and died. I was promised that our world would be saved…” his voice was quiet, often disrupted by series of coughs and water waves coming out of his mouth.

“And they kept the promise. At a horrible price for me. But I saved my people. I saved my home. You do the same all the time. I guess I was offered a choice, but not by Heaven…” he smiled sadly, ”Look, and see.” He bowed his head, offering.

And Alec did. He touched his eyes and Raznak’s memories came rushing in like waves. He saw the home of Raznaks, a world much more different than the one he has ever known. The kingdom of Three, where flying creatures, nothing alike birds dominated the golden sky, where there were pink clouds and it never rained and yet, the rivers were flowing, the ocean stood still. Keets, creatures similar to dolphins, only pale green and bearing wings, dominated the surface alongside many colourful lizard like fishes. Trees, white as snow with leaves blue as Raznak’s eyes rose from the ocean, hosting many creatures that lived on the border of two environments.

Everything crushed down as a piercing scream filled the air and made many ears bleed. After that, more blood followed, filling the rivers and holes in the earth. It finally rained in The Land of Three. It rained blood, and Alec could see that their blood was red, just like human.

He removed his hand and looked down on the creature who was lying in a pool of water, his body mostly pale, losing the bright colour of his people.

“Please…” he begged, “Please…”

And Alec understood.

He pressed his forehead down on Raznak’s and looked into his blue eyes. Summoning the will to do one of the most horrendous acts, Alec hummed and smiled as he saw the life leaving Raznak’s body and his eyes turning white.


	4. The Eyes Of An Orator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't say 'forgive me IF I've made a mistake', I know I have so I apologise in advance. Peace out to y'all.  
> P.S. Feel free to comment, I won't bite, I swear. Ask my favourite supporter so far, Reiven :D Thank you very much.

Isabelle was standing by the table and devouring the cookies while laughing at her brother in armour Theo who had sauce dripping from his chin. It very much reminded her of the times when Alec laughed at her while she ate and offered her a napkin to make herself look decent before their parents could notice how unlady like she looked. After awhile they noticed many preferences of hers other than eating like an animal that didn't fit a young lady. Like stabbing lord Montgomerry with a fork at the age of 15 when his hand went wandering up her corset. That was also the day her mother allowed her to get rid of the corset and start wearing light robes with many pockets she always loved. Seeing as she wasn't good at needle work besides sewing holes on her dresses made by a sword and adding belts to fit a sword, Maryse hoped to get pregnant again in order to have a girl who could be everything she never was. Sometimes, at the very begining of her warrior  _career_  she would doubt herself.  _What if mother was actually right?_ Very childish like and very stupid, she thought now. Then it seemed like the end of the world, but later on she realised that being a dissapointement to your parents is not as bad as your parents dissapointing you. She was far from a perfect, stable woman who needed no support. As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for her brothers she was pretty sure she would fail at being who she truly is.

Jace was there to train with her whenever possible, he was the one who gave her the very first blade, the one he made himself. 

Very often, both of her brothers would encourage her subtly, even though she thought she hid her insecurities rather well.

"There is more courage in your little finger, sister than the queen's entire body." Jace spoke at one of her trainings, right after slapping her sharply over her hand, gesturing that she ought to hold her sword higher.

"Mother says a lady ought to be graceful and meek." she said with a cunning smile while making a step in the right, as if she was to retreat then swiftly stepping ahead and attacking her brother.

"Courage is grace under pressure, sister." Alec said from the shaddow where he sat on the floor, polishing his violin.

Jace dodged her hit then made a semicircle move with his hand that made Isabelle's sword fly across the room, landing two feet away from Alec. 

"I don't know if you lack courage or grace?" Jace mocked with a smirk, so characteristic to Jace.

She leaned her head to the right and narrowed her eyes. Jace still had his self satysfied smirk on when she made a frontflip while slashing her whip, tying it around his ankles and with a slimple twitch of her hand, tossing him on the floor with her foot under his neck. She could hear his sword hitting the floor, the blood in her ears and Alec's silent laugh.

"Who gave you a fucking whip to play with?" Jace was outraged.

"Many great warriors are said to be born with a weapon in their hands. Maybe my mother has born me with a whip around my leg, you wouldn't know, I never let you peak under my skirt." she smiled and offered him a hand he gladly took while laughing like a maniac.

"Maybe you won't get killed by an angry raven after all."

She wasn't in fact possible to kill by anything as it turned out to be because there she was, more than six centuries later, still doing frontflips and knocking people to the ground, most often without offering a hand to get up.

"Alec! How was it? Did you manage pull out any information from that old bastard?" Theo asked as a shadow of a man entered the room.

"Yes, I pulled out the... information out of him." he sat down and offerend Mi Yao a sweet smile as she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

"How'd you get him to talk? The thing only growled at me when I went in to ask him why did he try to kill half of my unit. At first I thought he spoke German and called Zelig to talk to him but when he showed up he said the creature doesn't speak and kicked me. Probably cursed me a million times but it was in German so I wouldn't know."

"Why would you think he spoke German, Fotze?" a wide shouldered man with dark hair and piercing grey eyes, Zelig, spoke angrily from behind them.

"It sounded like German to me. Don't be so easily insulted, anyone could've made that mistake."

"It was making a sound worse than you while having an orgasm."

"Do all Germans sound like that while having an orgasm? And how do you know how I sound?"

"We sleep in the same room, Arschloch."

"All these lovely epithets you've been sticking on me, I hope they're flattering." Theo said smugly.

Zelig let out a laugh and walked away towards the cookie tray, slowly devouring it.

Isabelle had to laugh along with the others. This was the family atmosphere she always appreciated, even though it resulted many times in broken limbs and injuries caused by insults or sideway looks.

She appreciated the atmosphere, yes, but never let herself lean on anyone besides those who've spend more than a hundred years with her. You never know who's going to die next in this large group of bold, swift soldiers and who's going to replace them. Everyone was aware of that and that's why many lived their lives to the fullest, or at least as full as The Law said they could. If it said they're to kill the person next to them for treason, they'll do it. Honour and duty filled their entire being and The Law only pointed it to the place where it needed to be. But The Law needed all sorts of soldiers in their armies, that's why Isabelle wasn't surprised to see Jace laughing at a joke Magnus Bane seemed to be telling, or rather well, demostrating through series of colourful clouds and sparks.

She separated her look from the two and concentrated it on her brother who was seated two chairs away from her, reading the mundane newspaper.

"You found anything in there?" she asked as she pushed Ethan away so she could sit down.

"Well if you consider two car crashes, three dead bodies by the river and a suicide a matter of worry, then yes. But I think that Prime Minister's decision to cut down funds on archeological excavations and hystorical rebuilds is much more worrying." he replied.

"I doubt so." a middle aged Asian woman with black hair and silver eyes spoke with a smile, "that might result in some beneficial outcomes, at least for the shadow world. For years archeologysts wanted to dig up the ruins of the temple that's located in the same spot as our Institute. That is our Institute in fact. Modern architects want it to be upgrated so it can bind the cultural and modern designs they're so proud for blending succesfully all over the country. Maybe God has finally looked down on us, and at the right time, these monsters wouldn't spare mundanes that would be crawling around, digging holes at the same place they killed two of our guards this night."

Personally, Isabelle doubted God had any saying in any of what has been happening but the woman, Chau, has been known as very pious, might not want to hear anything Isabelle had to say.

Her brother, in the other hand, had many things to say about it so the discussion between the two continued for another twenty minutes and ended with a claim by both of them that the situation was indeed beneficial but not concluded.

“Mundanes are known to go to wars for smaller reasons.” Alec said jokingly.

“Is there anything else we should be afraid of, besides this mundane digging?” a voice came from the other side of the room.

Alec’s face turned towards the face of a tall, pale man with a fluffy accent.

“Afraid of?” his voice came out perfectly flat.

“There are monsters running around our blades every day, but I don’t remember hundreds of them coming out of a pit, as powerful as ever, lead by a thing that no one has ever seen, taking the lives of men as a spring breeze would play with a pile of leaves. And coming this close to an institute, capturing The Head of this institute without leaving even a drop of blood. Theirs or ours, it don’t matter. I doubt Sebastian would leave with them without leaving at least one body behind.”

“We’ve send out people to look for him. The fact that he’s left no bodies behind means that their skills were superior to his because we all know that a Shadowhunter faces their opponent no matter if they were a giant or a scorpion, but they also fall. If he is still alive, we will find him, if he is injured, we will heal him, if he’s dead, we’ll mourn him…”

“We’ll mourn him??? You think he might be dead? Sebastian?” the Shadowhunter looked mortified.

“He’s as human as any other Shadowhunter that’s fallen today, he can be injured and die no matter how much angel blood he carries around.” Magnus Bane said and attracted all looks on his shining face.

“Have you ever met Sebastian?” Theo asked sarcastically.

“No, I haven’t had the privilege.”

“Well obviously you have no idea what you’re talking about, warlock, so shut your mouth.” The fluffy accent Shadowhunter said angrily.

“Ow, touchy, I see. Forgive me, I wasn’t aware we’re talking about an immortal, immune to demons friend of yours.”

“We were talking about the future of… The Shadow world. The Faerie folk, vampires, werewolves, shadowhunters, warlocks.” Alec spoke sharply.

“We have no time to lose. I feel that there is some sort of… conflict coming up between the two sides. You of course, think it’s the right side and since you’re used to fighting, you will. You will also accept all help that others offer.” He made a significant pause, then continued. “Every warrior has their special abilities, not every warrior is meant to be holding a blade. We are soldiers, we take commands and I will be informing you of everything that They command. I’ve already exchanged many corespondings with The Court and they are aware that this situation is worrying.”

“Worrying? When has anyone ever heard of an institute being attacked by stinking monsters and downworlders? When was it that any sort of attack on us hasn’t been punished?” an outraged young man stood up furiously waving his hands.

Alec could remember quite a few times that an institute was attacked by monsters, warriors dying while trying to defend the ruins of their headgrounds, monsters killing, blood rushing through the streets, the air flying through his nostrils leaving a heavy stink in the pores of his skin.

“Must I remind you of basic rules of our kind?”

“ ‘Thou shalt respect all weaknesses and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.’” A whisper of many voices filled the room and it seemed as if all gaps that have been unsaid have been filled.

“We are not here to defend ourselves. We are here to defend the world. If it is to defend it from our fellow soldiers, if it’s to defend it from our family in the Shadow world, we shall do so. The Law wrote itself and our blades are going to carve the words of The High Court in the skins of those who disturb the peace.”

“Lex dura, sed lex.” Another wave of voices filled the air.

“Get used to your friends and brothers falling, get used to getting help where least you look for it and refusal at the most probable place you thought you’ll find it.” His look flew across every face in the room. Every single one was looking at him, waiting.

“Many people can tell you how it was a long time ago when we were at war with The Faeries and other downworlders. That was many years ago. I want to think that we’ve evolved since then and don’t want to sign a death sentence to our progenies by rushing into unnecessary conflicts with those who might be of help in these troubled times.”

His voice was low but everyone heard him.

“I do not wish to teach you things your mother thaught you, but I wish to think of this as a reminder. _One person does not represent a whole._ If you’re going to fight against your brothers just because they refuse to rush into a quarrel with someone you’re against, you’re no worthy of holding a blade forged from angel steel.”

“Life is more than merely staying alive, I say. I’ll give it to the God and enjoy every stab I give and receive.” Chau said with a smile and Isabelle could hear everyone agreeing.

After that, everything went on as it was before. Everyone was sitting, laughing, chatting, drinking and eating. Isabelle was amazed by how easily they surrendered in front of a few words. They were braver with a sword in hand, with a belly in front to rip open.

She doubted anyone here understood her brother. But she supposed he was used to being surrounded by people who aren’t able to keep up with his pace. Not even she was up to the task.

Jace, maybe, she thought. A parabatai. She was thinking about how much time he and Jace spent together, the time Alec liked to give other people. It always felt to her as if he was giving her a gift by simply looking at her mildly, smiling at her, or spending time with her. She was used to his sad, stern eyes always observing and decided to accept the fact that she’ll never see them carrying that spark Jace had in his.

She remembered passing through the hallway once and hearing Sebastian talking to Alec.

“You ought to smile more. I’ve seen Silent Brothers who smile wider than you.”

Isabelle agreed completely.


	5. Revelation of A Young Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I've been writing this story for awhile and I can't seem to find any inspiration so I just wrote this (though it probably won't satisfy anyone's desire for battle, monsters and homosexual romance) to move a tiny step forward but I must admit that I'm not happy with this. Honestly, it's my lousiest work and I hope you don't hate me for it. I'm experimenting. 
> 
> I'm truly grateful to those who bothered enough to read this, cheers!

Magnus was used to crowded places and loud noises. He loved the crowd and loud noises. He mastered the craft of recognizing a certain place by its sounds. In the Shadow world, everything is different, and so are the noises. Vampires talk much more softly than the werewolves. Faeries have high pitched voices, at least compared to Shadowhunters. And just like basic animals instincts, he can very easily feel his own kind's voices in a sea of others. The same goes for vibrations Heavenly bodies leave behind. Every human owns an aura he can easily read. As for the creatures of the Shadow world, often he must try hard to scratch the surface and let the rays of colourful personalities peak through or burst out, depending on the person he's analysing.

Bane possessed many powers and liked people to know that. He wanted everyone to think he can do unimaginable things. But many of his most powerful abilities remained undiscovered for they are a great mean of manipulation his enemies could use, he thought. People love sophisticatedly different and mighty personalities. People payed for it, so he gave them that.   
Also, his true personality wasn't much different, so he enjoyed playing the part. People coming to him, because he was radiating, as many said before, it pleased him greatly,

Although, that radiating personality might attract enemies as well.

Just like it attracted the Shadowhunters this time.

"Family values.."

Isabelle turns her head away from the door towards Magnus.

"Family values you know nothing of I assume?"

"Oh, don't be so sure of that. I might not have had the perfect little family atmosphere you had with your brothers while growing up but I assure you... My mother and I had quite a bond." he replied with a smug smile.

"Aye, lucky me with my perfect little family."

"Are you saying your family makes you unhappy?"

Her face was a perfect example of visible irritation.

"No, I haven't said anything alike."

The whip around her hand she was playing with must've reminded her of something because her words sounded vague.

"But they make you feel."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's not a bad thing when you're feeling their joy and excitment. But them making your heart ache for seeing them distant and in trouble isn't the most pleasant."

She looked like an Amazon warrior, full of pride and determination, her voice steady but cloudy. He could see her aura shifting but  dared not to look.

"Jace doesn't seem like a distant person. He made it very clear he'll rip me apart no matter if, I quote, have magic glittery shit that kills him by barely looking at it if I only dare to cross you. Later on he proved to be a lovely young man who has a great sense in fashion and holds an unreasonable grunge against ducks."

She let out a chuckle allowing him see another part of her. A younger sister.

"Yeah, he's easy to handle as long as you get to know him."

"So he's not the problem?"

"There's no problem at all."

"Are you certain of that?"

He could feel the change in her voice, the obvious annoyance of him reading between the lines and something else. Fear. 

Is that possible?

"You can trust me." he said merrily.

"I've never had anyone I could completely trust. There was no one ever truly there for me who would do whatever I needed, someone who would do things for me without me knowing I needed them to be done. I tried, yes. During all these years I tried so hard to find someone with whom I could share my shitty destiny. Or at least someone who could make me feel like I haven't been living for nothing." 

He couldn't guess how old she was, probably 20, but in that moment she didn't sound like that. He wondered how can someone so young feel so ancient. Someone whose life has only just begun feel so... empty. At least that was what he was getting from the vibes her body has been radiating. Emptiness, lonliness, worry. And he needed nothing more than her voice and posture to tell him everything.

"I never asked myself why I was born this way. Many people do. When they get tired of everything it feels good to question everything and fantasise about a life you could never have. At least with this personality I wouldn't. I was always a warrior, you know... I played with dolls but every single one I had carried a small piece of wood under her dress. Jace looked once, Gods knows why he would look under my doll's skirt, right? and asked me was that me trying to give her a 'male thingy'. He was amused by the fact, laughed so much that I had to slap him. I let him think to this day that that was actually my subconscious wish to be a boy."

Without love, strength and independence are prone to losing every bit of their worth, they become nothing more than a fearful, intimidated, empty tent lost somewhere in the desert of self. Isabelle was both strong and independent, that much was obvious. She needed the love to make it matter, to make it be seen or at least so she could apply it on the outern world. She needed someone, something, an anchor, to direct her the right way. Someone with the power of conjuring an imense amount of strenght to support the great power Isabelle herself carried.

It was obvious that to this day she had that anchor. He was sure that if he looked at her two years ago he wouldn't be able to see the cracks in her aura as he sees now. He wouldn't be able to see her lost and her eyes filled with grief. 

"But I never wanted to be a man." she whispered.

Some people are born with an ability to feel empathy towards anyone they see on the street. Magnus never considered himself one of those people. He cared and suffered deeply for the people he knew and had a connection with.   
He hasn't noticed when the connection between him and this young, bold girl who carried her burden of emptiness hidden deep inside so no one could see her stumble formed. Has anyone ever seen her stumble?   
But there's something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise. Or that applies only to observant people as him.   
He could see she was dissapointed, even though she smiled mildly while speaking.

"So I let them think anything they wanted to. I wasn't going to prove or explain myself to anyone.

  
I read once in a book Alec gave me  _Never tell all you know, not even to the person you know best._ That sentance left a huge impression on me, even though the book wansn't one of the phylosophical ones he praises so much. He knew I wouldn't like those, I don't fancy thinking about why this stands this way and not the other way or why the shaddow falls that way on that thing in the exact same way it does on the other thing even though those two things aren't the same shape, is it all God or nature or moleculs... He knew that so he made sure I read things with action and romance. He often said that I could read all the fantasy and swoony books I want because I get the realistic and brutal stuff in the real life. It was probably a quote from another book, that sentance of his. He did that often, you know. Quoted books, artists, kings and queens, monsters he's had a chat with or common people. So obviously, I didn't want to start sounding enlightened in a day so I just applied the things I found inspiring in the real life, you know?  _The universe doesn't give you what you ask for with your thoughts, it gives you what you demand with your actions._ So I demanded everyone to go fuck themselves. Fuck those who think I have to wear a skirt and look all pretty and helpless. I can look all the pretty you want but as soon as you try to crawl your swoony eyes over my body I'll cut them out with a rusty knife I've been wearing under that skirt.

I don't know if Jace picked up on it later, but I almost cried when I saw my dolls once carrying perfectly shaped tiny wooden swords under their belts. I knew it wasn't Jace who put them there so when I saw Alec I just hugged him so hard I knocked him on the floor. He didn't seem to mind though. I thanked him a million times.   
 _'The eyes shout what the lips fear to say'_ he said then.   
And the next day he and Jace started to give me lessons on how to fight like a girl. Later Jace even tried to fight in a dress. He was quite graceful, as Jace always is.   
They both helped me so much. We saved each others' lives countless times. I know how they move in battle, I know how they strike.   
We're a pack."

"Don't you feel left out since your brothers chose one another as parabatai?"

"Not at all. Jace is reckless enough for Alec and me, he needs someone to bond with and make him feel pain the same way they do. I think we're a unique trio."

She smiled fondly and sighed deeply. 

"Whenever you call out, there's someone there. Someone to sacrifise their whole being for yours just for the sake of your happiness. No questions, no regrets. Asking for nothing in return. Never asking for a similar favor. Never sharing their thoughts, never letting know they're in distress, not letting you see through so you wouldn't worry.   
It's a great gift but also a burden. Maybe someone would feel great for having a lean on they don't need to pay for but for some people the guilt awakens sometimes. A wish to do the same, to help or at least to talk. But when you're helpless and realise you're unable to make out what they're thinking it just discourages a person and makes you want to give up on everything and everyone. Just live by that rule  _fuck everyone_. But I can't do that. I did it when people did me harm, or I just didn't like them. But when someone you care about hides under the covers you have no one to blame but yourself."

"Why would you blame yourself for the actions of others? Especially if they don't mind being there for you? People who are the voice of reason to you are as a real life guardian angels on Earth. Our judgment can percieve us often, looking at things from a different perspective along with an advice from someone who wishes you nothing else but good is a blessing indeed."

"If you talk enough sense then you lose your mind, haven't you heard?"

Suddenly a great wave of sadness and compassion washed over him.

"Or you get lost inside it, huh?"

She nodded. 

"Maybe my regrets came a little too late. The present moment is all we have now, and the present moment is not a pleasant one. But I think that facing the now is a primary focus, don't you think?"

"Try to face the now without then interfering too much. I won't be trying to give you battle strategy advice but I'm rather skilled at survival advice. Damaged, closed people are dangerous because _they know how to survive_. You don't have to worry much about your human shield fading into nothingness. The fire in me burned stronger than the fire around me, that's why I'm still standing here. And the fire in you can't burn for everyone."

"I assume then that I should be glad that my human shield is not fire."

Delight, revelation,... pride painted on her face was a description of devotion and love Magnus kept in his mind for a long time and remembered every day until the day he faced the end.


End file.
